WHEN I’M SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND A COUPLE IN CHURCH THAT CAN’T KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER
The 11th Commandement: Thou shall not embrace with the opposite sex during worship or exchange back rubs during the sermon.
THE POLAR VORTEX: WHAT HELL WOULD BE LIKE IF SATAN TURNED THE THERMOSTAT DOWN
WHEN THE CURRENT WIND CHILL IS BELOW ZERO AND I SEE BIKINIS ON SALE AT THE MALL
WHEN GIRLS’ NIGHT TURNS INTO AN INVESTIGATION OF A CUTE COWORKER’S FACEBOOK PAGE
Dear interwebs: Instagram
There seems to be a sweeping epidemic running rampant through our generation: an incurable condition in which one needs to document every piece of food one eats throughout the day.
In a collage.
Perhaps it’s the allure of a year in which we weren’t even born yet that makes the 1977 filter of the sushi rolls worthy of capturing on film. Maybe it’s the black and white Willow filter that turns our apple into art. Or, quite possibly, it’s the filter named after a great lake we just couldn’t remember the name of in geography class that makes our breakfast burrito bona fide photography.
Now that I’ve finally obtained a smart phone of my own and joined the ranks of the 21st century, I’ve noticed there have been some unloved objects that haven’t been documented via the Instagrams.
This is the Instagram for the unsung, undocumented heroes of inanimate objects:
An Ode to the Paperclip
More than Functionality
Always Underneath, Never on Top
Don’t Push My Buttons
My Trash, Your Treasure
The Anatomy of a Q-Tip
These exquisite art collages are available for purchase.*
* I’m kidding. Unless you’re not– in which case we’ll start the base price at $1000.
WHEN MY GIRLFRIENDS AND I COMPLAIN CHIVALRY IS DEAD
We just have to wait for a couple more decades for him.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
G:
Well, I’m six days into a new year and a lot of monumental things have taken place:
1) I finally have a smart phone
2) I bought an electric blanket since I never turn my heat on
3) I am now the proud owner of a blender (SMOOTHIESSSSSSSSSS)
My quality of life has exponentially changed.
You know I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions. While it would be a good idea to set a goal of ingesting more leafy greenery into my digestive system, I always become more reflective in a new year than proactive. I think about what was, what may be. But I never really set any fast and hard deadlines or goals for the new year.
I just like to see what happens.
The other day I was looking at the dashboard on my MacBook right next to the Chi Pet widget I forgot to water four years ago:
And I noticed a sticky note with a quote on it I’ve been neglecting to look at as much as my Chi Pet:
There was a reason I liked it four years ago and a reason it still resonates with me today. I don’t want to be idle in the safe harbor of comfort and familiarity. I’ve always wanted to set sail into the unknown and discover what’s waiting there for me. To discover what You have waiting there for me.
Following your will for me is setting sail into the unknown. And I know I’d be remiss if I didn’t step out in faith and let your winds catch my sails and take me where You want me.
I want to explore, dream, and discover your plans—your wonderful plans for me.
I want to make that my goal this year. To step out in faith, to free myself from the safe harbor. To take advantage of every opportunity that You present to me. To grow by becoming uncomfortable, stretched, challenged. It’s a lot scarier than green leafy vegetables, but a lot more rewarding.
It’s definitely no coincidence that right next to the quote by Mark Twain on my dashboard is this verse:
I’m excited to see what will happen this year because I know you are going to lead me when I’m looking to you to guide me. I can’t think of anything more exciting than that.
So lead on, Master Navigator. Put on a pirate hat, perhaps a parrot on your shoulder and let’s set sail.
My quality of life is going to exponentially change.
Your child,
m
WHAT I HAVE TO KEEP TELLING MYSELF WHEN I GET EXCITED FOR THE PREMIERE OF THE BACHELOR TONIGHT
But, but– the show provides such a great study into the psyches of 25 spray tanned girls who might tilt heavily towards the side of insanity– talk about entertainment every Monday night for two hours!
And this is why a Christian Bachelor show could never be made.
AS SOON AS I HEAR MY COWORKER COUGH
Tis the season to spread some germs.
WHEN I REALIZE THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER AND I HAVE TO START EATING HEALTHY AGAIN
#uglycrying
meghanmellinger.com 