A special thank you to all the ladies who shared their #christiangirlproblems on my post “Attention, all you single christian ladies!”
As a special shout out, I will be featuring one of your #christiangirlproblems on my blog throughout the week!
So stay tuned! And thanks for sharing in this great stage of life together!
– m
PS. If you haven’t had a chance to comment on the post yet– it’s not too late! I’d love to hear your #christiangirlproblems!
Dinner is served.
#honeynutcheerios
FEATURE STORY
GRAND RAPIDS—Watch out Yankee Candle, there’s a new line of candles in town.
Following the Kentucky Fried Chicken candle craze that sold out within minutes, and the stink-tacular success of “The Stinky Candle Company,” Zondervan has announced they are launching their own line of biblically themed scented candles.
Next time your small group is studying Exodus, why not fill the air with the aroma of a candle from the limited edition “Escape from Egypt” collection. Best sellers include:
The Ten Plagues Candle
A touch of gnat, a dash of frog, and a hint of blood, this blend of aromas is a must for any Old Testament study. Made with real locusts!
Pillars Pillar Candle
Made with special patented technology, this pillar candle smells like smoke during the day and fire at night. It’s like two candles for the price of one!
Manna Madness Candle
Think the “French Baguette” candle from Bath and Body Works smells like the real deal? Well you’ll be praying for bread to drop out of the sky after you light this candle up!
Even though Christmas is over, you’ll want to check out the candles on clearance from the “Emmanuel” collection and stock up for next year:
Silent Night Candle
Enjoy a calm evening by the glow of the Christmas tree while the smells of hay, sheep, and donkey feces fill the room. It’s like you’re swaddled right there in the manger with baby Jesus!
The Gift of the Magi Candle
What does frankincense smell like? Wonder no more! This careful concoction of frankincense, gold, and myrrh is well worth the wait of up to 2 years in estimated arrival time from the date of purchase.
Celebrating the life of Jesus, Zondervan also added in the “Miracles” collection:
Five Thousand Candle
Upon first glance, you would never think this small votive candle is capable of burning for up to an unprecedented amount of 5,000 hours. But once you waft the succulent scents of a couple fish and a few loaves of bread, your doubts will vanish.
Party’s Not Over Candle
Don’t think all is lost when you see this clear candle. While it may appear to be the color of water, once lit it changes to a deep red hue and soon you’ll smell the sweet scent of fermented grapes. (WARNING: Please do not ingest.)
So next time you sit down for your morning devotional or gather in a friend’s living room for bible study, think about purchasing one of these candles to really get into the spiritually scented spirit. But you better act fast—with candles like these, Zondervan expects to sell out of their first run within the next 30 years.
ESTROGEN ALERT: Sorry fellas, you can just glaze over this post and check back tomorrow. 😉
If you happen to be in possession of two X chromosomes, you know there are a lot of great things that come with being a girl.
But alas, life as a girl is not without its host of problems. Especially if you are of the single Christian girl variety.
And problems seem to always go better with a hashtag in front of them.
So ladies, I’d love to know:
This blog has taught me a lot of things, including a refresher course in geography. I’m super blessed and excited that I have devoted followers from all over the world—a special shout out to my peeps in Switzerland, the Philippines, Canada, Australia, and the UK (just to name a few!).
And I want to hear from all of you!
Whether it’s an awkward encounter with an ex in the Alps or your problem always ends in: “eh?” I want to hear it in the comments section below! Let’s share the fun, awkward, exciting, embarrassing, ridiculous, weird, and unique problems to being in this stage of life together!
Submit your TOP THREE #christiangirlproblems in the comments section of this post with the format:
#1
#2
#3
FIRST NAME:
COUNTRY:
Looking forward to sharing our #christiangirlproblems!
-m
G:
If you were an admissions counselor, I would be automatically denied because I failed to post this letter on my usual time on my usual day.
Reason for denial: can’t make deadlines.
If you were an admissions counselor, I’d call your office and you’d answer:
G: “Hello this is Heaven’s Office of Admissions, this is God. How can I help you?”
m: “Hi. My name is m. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be talking to you right now. I’ve wanted nothing more than to go to Heaven since I was a little kid. I have heavenly paraphernalia plastered all over my room, I’m the owner of at least 5 WWJD bracelets, and I have a Jesus fish on my bumper sticker. I’m a diehard Heaven Christians fan!”
G: “Did you just use ‘Christians’ as a mascot?”
m: “Yes. No. Maybe. Yes.”
G: “When would you be looking to start?”
m: “Well, as much as I know I should want to start any time, I’d be okay with pushing it off until it’s the right time to go.”
G: “We do run on a rolling admissions basis.”
m: “Great!”
G: “For those who qualify.”
m: “Oh.”
G: “What’s your GPA?”
m: “Um…”
G: “Our baseline is a 4.0.”
[Silence]
G: “Hello? Are you still there?”
m: “Yes, sorry. I just stopped breathing for a second.”
G: “Well don’t do that just yet. We haven’t finished the application process yet.”
m: “Do you make exceptions on a case by case basis at all?”
G: “I’m pulling up your transcripts now and I see you got a D in gym class.”
m: “My sneakers didn’t fit right. My big toe was popping out of the top. It affected my kickball skills.”
G: “You failed home economics.”
m: “The oven temperature was clearly off. And you honestly couldn’t even taste the plastic wrapper in the cake. It melted away because of the excessive heat.”
G: “I’m afraid that given your academic history, you wouldn’t be able to handle the demands of this institution.”
m: “But what if I sent you some references?”
G: “Your mother doesn’t count.”
m: “But!”
G: “I’m just checking my e-mail now and I see you sent me your statement of purpose already:
Hell God,
I’m sexting you my statement of porpoises.
m
Sent from my iPhone”
m: “OH NO!”
G: “Oh yes.”
m: “@#$% auto correct!”
G: “You just swore.”
m: “Oh @#$#@%. I just swore on the phone with God. And @#$% I just did it again.”
G: “I’d like to thank you for your call and for your interest, but I’m afraid we can’t accept you at this time. I do wish you the best in your future endeavors.”
m: “But where else is there?”
G: “The only other option is a program far, far south. I hope you like hot weather.”
m: “BUT!”
[click]
Thankfully this is not how you roll. Getting into Heaven is actually easier than getting into Harvard.
Thankfully you are NOT an admissions counselor. And if you were, you would be the worst admissions counselor ever—you let anybody in who believes in your Son.
And you do have unbeatable retention rates.
Your child,
– m
There seems to be a sweeping epidemic running rampant through our generation: an incurable condition in which one needs to document every piece of food one eats throughout the day.
In a collage.
Perhaps it’s the allure of a year in which we weren’t even born yet that makes the 1977 filter of the sushi rolls worthy of capturing on film. Maybe it’s the black and white Willow filter that turns our apple into art. Or, quite possibly, it’s the filter named after a great lake we just couldn’t remember the name of in geography class that makes our breakfast burrito bona fide photography.
Now that I’ve finally obtained a smart phone of my own and joined the ranks of the 21st century, I’ve noticed there have been some unloved objects that haven’t been documented via the Instagrams.
This is the Instagram for the unsung, undocumented heroes of inanimate objects:
These exquisite art collages are available for purchase.*
If I made money every time I acted so awkward I became an embarrassment to my friends and family, I’d buy an island in the Caribbean. For today’s daily dose of awkward, I recruited some friends who encouraged me to make my first (intentionally) awkward…
So a couple of my friends thought it would be a great idea for me to make a parody of the infamous eHarmony cat lady video on Youtube: So I did. This may be the worst thing to ever hit the interwebs:
meghanmellinger.com 